Aristotle on Friends

Blog Prompt 15: Do you agree with Aristotle’s proposition that there are three types of friendship: friendship of pleasure, friendship of utility, and friendships in virtue? Can you identify people in your life that fall into any of the three categories?

I agree with Aristotle’s proposition that there are three types of friendship. I feel that though this is the nature of polite and courteous conversation, when people hear the titles of these friendships it makes them want to defend themselves as if something is wrong with these labels. These friendships just happen in life, it isn’t anything bad, and friendship is simply an interaction or a connection between people. These friendships can evolve from one to the other, it is not permanent how people get along. I’ve had this happen to me, a friend I felt was a friend of virtue started changing and they could not make the good choices they were able to before, and I felt like they ket breaking my trust and blowing off anything I could say to try and ease their mind. They went from someone I wished I could hang out with and go to for help to someone I didn’t find nice to talk to anymore. In the same evolution my other friends of virtue all evolved from utility and pleasure, knowing that I started to trust them more was great. I believe Aristotle’s proposition is a great one that really describes how communications make connections well.

The first is the friendship of utility, which is “in virtue of some good which they get from each other.” This means simply that this person and I mutually benefit off one another, and nothing more. This does not mean that I am using them, in return they are getting something from me too. For example, I go to Starbucks often, and I know some of the baristas faces because I am often there. I say good morning and I order my coffee, then they make it, a simple transaction that takes place every day around the world between many people, the communication is normal. This is a relationship of the utility friendship, I am able to get my chai tea latte and they are able to get paid and tipped for their work.

The second type of friendship is the friendship of pleasure. Despite what we associate pleasure with today, this friendship merely derives from enjoying each other’s company. Young people in Aristotle’s eyes are said to make more friendships of pleasure, one reason being that “those who love for the sake of pleasure do so for the sake of what is pleasant to themselves.” It is a more self centered friendship, you like someone because they entertain you and you can stand their company, but this is a step up from utility. The difference is that friends of pleasure “do wish to spend their days and lives together,” as they have fun when they are with each other. In school you make many friends of pleasure, you grow up with people you have fun and hang out with, but sometimes you don’t have each others numbers, or you only play a sport together, it is very common for this friendship to bloom. I’ve had many in my classes that made it easier for me to become comfortable asking for help, despite our only common factor being we are taking the class and need a study buddy.

The last and highest form for friendship is the friendship of virtue. This is what we should be thinking about when we think about our best friends, the ones we stay with because we know they care about us and we know that we care about them. This is care for wellbeing, concern for each other’s happiness and goals. Aristotle describes it as “perfect both in respect of duration and in all other respects, and in it each gets from each in all respects the same as, or something like what, he gives; which is what ought to happen between friends.” You two respect each other and want the best for each other, and oftentimes a great deal of care is put into this relationship. We find that in the other types of friendship is it less easy to trust one another, as this friendship gives such a strong sense of trust it almost makes it impossible to feel or be wronged by one another. I could count on one hand how many of these close friends I’ve had in my life, and each of them I trust more than I feel I could imagine trusting anyone else.

The people in my life that I have grown to trust are those who started off as merely friends of utility, or even less, just someone to talk to. I remember walking up to someone who would become my virtuous friend, and all I wanted to do was sit with someone so I didn’t look so alone. Over time I realized that we shared common interests, like shows or games. So they became became a friend of pleasure. Somewhere in our time talking I realized that we had ignored talking about our problems, but at some point we both realized when the other wasn’t feeling great. It was the long nights we stayed up and realized that we could trust each other that made us realize we had this love for one another. We were able to give each other the troubles we couldn’t handle alone or with our parents, and we looked for some kind of reconciliation in ourselves. Bottling those feelings up made us scared to communicate, but the more comfortable we became with it, with years between for trust, we became unbreakable.

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